Dangling Off The End Of Insanity
by MissingMommy
Summary: "I really wish you would recognize me just once in my life." This is how Alice sees life after her torture.


You awake to the sound of crashing. Looking to your left, you realize that you're not the only one that heard it – your husband has as well. As you push the covers off, you reach for your wand. Silently, you wonder why you haven't heard Neville cry yet. If you have heard the sound, he sure as hell did. Then you realize that Neville is at his grandmother's.

Before you can step out of the bedroom, your wand flies out of your hand. You realize that in that moment you are no longer in control of your life. You curse silently, knowing that you should have been more alert and better prepared. It's a war, after all; you shouldn't have thought that hiding would save you.

You heard the laughter of the Death Eater's around you. This is just a game to them; entertainment, really. Just to prove their might, they utter, "_Crucio_". It's definitely not the first time you have felt this curse, but you drop to your knees anyways. It takes a lot of strength to keep from crying out in pain – it would just empower them and you _refuse_ to do that. Finally, they get on to what they were truly here for: questioning you and your husband.

"Where is the Dark Lord?" they demand.

"Go to hell."

It's the wrong answer.

Crucio makes its way through your body. You grit your teeth and bare the fire in your veins. This is just a warning: give the correct answers or it gets worst. But the shared look between you and Frank tells you not to give over any information. It didn't matter; the Order is more important than any pain they could inflict on them.

"Where is the Dark Lord?"

"I hope you rot in hell."

Time after time, you refuse to give them the answers they are looking for. Each time, the pain from the curse gets a little harder to bear. Maybe your body's tired or they are really starting to hate you; either way, it's getting harder to refuse.

You pant, trying to inhale as much oxygen as possible, but it hurts to breathe because of the broken ribs. Your eyesight has long since been blurry and you can't find the strength to get off the floor. The longer and longer they torture you, the more creative they become. They forget about the questions they are supposed to be gaining answers for; they enjoy the sounds of your screams too much.

After a while, you start to forget where you are and who you are. All that matters is the pain racing through your body. Your cheeks are damp with the tears that you originally refused to cry. But as you start to lose memory of yourself, you begin to forget not to empower them. You're dangling off the end of insanity and you can't bring yourself to fight against it. In fact, you welcome it. Anything is better than the pain you're currently feeling. Against all odds, you finally find yourself wrapped in blackness.

;~;

Suddenly, you feel arms wrapping themselves around you. "Please, no. Just kill me. Please, just kill me," a voice screams. You're not sure who it is, but the sound is familiar.

"Calm down, Alice. Everything is alright. You are safe now," you hear.

You've never heard of a person by the name of Alice. So you open your eyes. Everything hurts and you're not exactly sure why. As you try to recall what happened, you find that your memory is blank. Your body screams in pain at every tiny movement you do. Soon the pain becomes overwhelming and you welcome the blackness back eagerly.

;~;

"I've brought Neville to visit you both, Alice."

You are brought out of the peaceful blackness that you're accustomed to. Quietly, you open your eyes to observe the intruder. Within her arms is a boy that looks about four with blonde hair. You've never seen him before but he's cute enough. As you listen to the woman chat idly about things you've never heard of before, you wonder why you can't recall anything before today.

But as they get up to leave, the boy puts his arms around you. Suddenly all the memories comes flooding back in and all you can remember is the feeling of pain and the arms that grabbed onto you. "Please, I don't know anything. I swear. Just kill me. Please, kill me," you beg.

You gasp for breath, trying desperately to shake off the feeling of the Cruciatus curse. Your veins are on fire and you can swear your bones are about to break under the pressure of the pain. As suddenly as the pain came, it's gone. Before you're engulfed in the blackness, you see the boy about to cry from fear.

;~;

"Mum, can you hear me?" Your eyes are fixed on the ceiling, but you can hear every word this intruder is saying. The boy is clearly upset and you're not exactly sure why he's trying to talk to you; you don't even know him. "I really wish you would recognize me just once in my life," he adds softly before turning to leave.

You feel him flash one more look over his shoulder. You feel sorry for this boy. He seems so helpless and desperate. You wish that you could understand why this boy seems so attached to you and feels the need to call you "mum".

"Alice, it's time to eat," a female announces. You put the boy to the back of your mind and grab the spoon.

;~;

"I finally got my Hogwarts letter. Gran said that we could go shopping soon," the boy says. You're not exactly sure why he's here or why you should care about what he's saying. "I wish you and dad could be better so you would be proud of me – not that Gran isn't sometimes proud of things I do. I would rather you two be proud of me."

You tune the boy out. Silently, you try to recall the day before or any other day besides today. Nothing is coming to mind. You have this feeling that you have had days before this one so why can't you remember them.

"I love you, mum," he whispers as he places a hand on your arm. You are freaked out by his movement. You scream, trying to make him release your arm from his grip. He looks frighten and hurries away.

"It's okay, Alice. Nothing is harming you." You sigh in relief and return your glaze to the ceiling.

;~;

As the boy enters, you feel slightly worried at the intrusion. "We won, mum. Harry Potter did it. He defeat Voldemort –"

At the mention of Voldemort, you remember the Death Eaters in your house. You cry out in fear. Soon you're screaming from the pain that the Cruciatus curse. "Please kill me. Just kill me. I know nothing!" you beg through the pain.

"Mum, nothing's hurting you. You are safe. Everything is over. You're not in trouble," he pleads with you, trying to get you to stop screaming. The pain ends as you realize that it was in the past. You close your eyes in relief. Within seconds the blackness takes over your tired mind and you don't bother to fight it.

;~;

"You're marrying me, Neville. I should at least be allowed to meet your parents," a young girl says. You hear the voice through the door and vaguely you think that the name "Neville" sounds familiar.

"I know I'm marrying you, Hannah. You don't have to remind me," another voice replies. "But my parents haven't been the same since their attack. They don't recognize me or anything else. Sometimes, they don't know their names or where they're at. It's hard to know what type of outburst they are going to have or how they are going to react to certain things. They can stare at the ceiling or scream randomly in pain. It's, honestly, not something that you should have to witness."

"I just want to be able to be there for you, Neville. If seeing them helps me understand how much it hurts you to see them like this, so be it. I'll deal with it," the girl whispers.

Obviously, the boy gives in as the door opens. "Hey, mum. I want you to meet Hannah. She's the girl I've been telling you about; the one I'm going to marry," a boy sits down in the chair next to your bed. You're not sure why this should matter to you, so you just stare at the ceiling. The girl speaks a few words out loud, and you're sure that it's not meant for you since you're not Alice.

"I love you, mum," the boy says.

**A/n – I'm very weary of posting this. I'm not exactly sure how it turned out but I like it. **

_**Please, please don't favorite without reviewing!**_


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